A stranger...

A stranger... that is what I am here, in this country. I came here for love. (Isn´t it pathetic?) Where has love gone now? When I look at my husband, I look at someone else than the man I met more than two years ago, the man I left everything; country, home, family, friends, position for. Yes, he is my husband now. But we are no longer close. The deeper trust is gone. Maybe also for him? I do not know. But I know that I have started to hide things. I carefully watch my words - can he use this against me? - and control my emotions. 

I miss the man I  met that summer! I miss the dreams, the feelings of understanding and trust. I miss knowing that this man would never hurt me.
He has hurt me a lot now. Not much anymore however... You can not hurt someone who does not care. It is a good lesson to learn; to not let someone else define you. You know yourself better than they do. Define yourself! If someone calls you stupid, it does not mean that you are stupid. Their words do not create reality. Their words do not make you stupid, but they make them someone who calls other people stupid. 
But remember; the same thing goes for if someone calls you smart. 
Do not care to much about what others say about you. Their words do not change reality.

I am a stranger. If you would meet us, you would probably  pay more attention to my husband. He is social, nice, intelligent. You would like him. Me you would not quite get... I do not talk that much. I am not your typical American wife. I am not interested in house work, cooking, baking, children (I DO love my son!).  I write, I create, I am an intellectual. But I am not chatty. I am not social. And in this country I am a stranger. Still I have to hide...